she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
