This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
