ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
