ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
