My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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