come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize