I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You ate ashes out of my bong
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
