he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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