Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize