My room smells like vodka and shame
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
