Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
