PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
