The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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