I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
