So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
