I only kidnapped one of them. chill
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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