I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
