Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize