OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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