k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
