I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My boob is missing a layer of skin
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
