Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
