that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Couch. On fire.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
