i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
someone threw a dead crab at me
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
