Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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