Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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