do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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