This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
