I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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