I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
