so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
there is puke in my bra ... again
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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