i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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