those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
