My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
