We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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