I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize