a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
