we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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