i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
