just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
