Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
