Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
