just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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