My cat gives me a boner
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
