If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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