Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
