drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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