My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
