so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
