How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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