"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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