I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
