you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
no. you can't hotbox the world.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
