youre lurking in front of me
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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