I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
