Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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