Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
