C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
