We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I touched a dick in church today
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
