we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
