Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize
