he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
