i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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