The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Slut skills are useful in every country.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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