New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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