Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
