i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
