Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
