Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
