Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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