I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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