Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
