I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
