well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
What a dumb baby whore.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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