so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
