I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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