Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
